Today I had my first visit with the oncologist after starting treatment. The doctor came in very cheerfully and asked how I was doing. I said, "Good, how are you?" and he said "Good - but you're really good!" He went on to explain that he hadn't wanted to tell me the last time, but my tumor markers had jumped up in January. They had gone from 114 to 156 - but he expected this, due to the fact that I was not yet on any treatment. Today, my blood test showed a reduction to 106! I was so happy to hear this news. In January, I wasn't feeling so hot (lot of aches and pains) and lately I've been feeling much improved. It confirmed what I already suspected, that the cancer had begun to retreat. He said I wouldn't need to see him for the next 3 months because I responded so quickly to the treatment, and he expects it to work for a number of years. He said to plan to be around for a long time and that I would be very successful in beating down the cancer. I walked out of there so happy! Of course, the perfectionist that I can tend to be, I would have liked for the tumor markers to be back down to 30 or less, which would be considered normal. But I told him that my challenge now would be to have this number down into the double digits by the time I see him at the end of May.
I've been looking into some new things to occupy my free time. I checked out meetup.com and found there were a few events of interest in my neighborhood. I've also inquired about singing with our church choir on Tuesday nights. I am having dinner with a work friend tomorrow night, which will be fun. I need to get back to putting emphasis on my life and living fully. A lot of what I do is wait for others to be available to do stuff with me - I can't wait for that any more. I need to get out there and meet people and start doing things. I don't want to waste the time I've been given just sitting around. It's going to take me awhile to figure out where my true joy lies, but I know I'll get there if I start looking. I want to spend less time on Facebook reading about other people's lives - I need a life of my own. It's time to have some fun and dig in to some real living. Everything to this point has been rewarding and beautiful, but life seasons change and we must be willing to change with it. I'm excited about the things to come, and look forward to posting about more than just my cancer journey - because, CANCER IS NOT THE BOSS OF ME. I am!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Transition Time
Well, I've been living with Stage 4 cancer now for about 4 months. It's a low-aggression breast cancer that has set up household in my pelvic and pubic bones. The lymph node full of cancer in my chest wall was removed in December. I was feeling like crap but since changing my diet and taking supplements, I'm feeling rather good now. I need to start exercising but am finding it hard to get started.
They also took out my ovaries in November, and menopause is now in full swing. The worst thing about menopause is mood swings and depression. I get fixated on what's going on with my kiddos, much to their chagrin. I'm working with a therapist to stop doing that, and start finding myself instead. I've taken care of my kids and their issues for so long that it's proving difficult for me to find myself after all of that time.
So I got the expected question from the therapist, what do I love. What do I love? I love my family - but that needs to be less of a focus now, so I am told. I love animals. We have 2 elderly dogs that are currently a huge hassle and keep me stuck at home caring for them, so I can't travel (travel is another love of mine). I won't be having any more animals for awhile so that love is not an option. I also like mosaics. I can't seem to find a local class on this art, so I may just go pick up a kit and start working on it myself. The problem is that my job can be sort of isolated (lots of time on the computer), so working on a craft by myself is not ideal. I would like to have some company; someone who won't only talk and tell me all of their troubles, but someone who will allow give and take in a conversation. I need connection and to be heard without much judgment. Much that comes out of my mouth right now is driven by emotion and not exactly the most logical of thinking. I know it's messed up - but I need to release it and call it by its proper name, so I can then work on moving it out of my life.
So I am looking at going to work today and then trying to figure out how I will fill my time in the evening so that I don't annoy my kids or exasperate my poor husband with my moods. I think I'll dust off the Zumba DVDs that I bought and give that a try. Then I might Ebay a few things to start clearing out the office in preparation for removal of the popcorn ceiling. This house is a disaster and I would love to work on redecorating it, but it's impossible with the crap carpet and undone ceilings, and the whole house is in bad need of painting. (This is sounding more like work than things I love, which is why I think I avoid it). I'll try to come up with a list of things that are good for me and that I can enjoy on some level too. It's just not as easy as it sounds.
They also took out my ovaries in November, and menopause is now in full swing. The worst thing about menopause is mood swings and depression. I get fixated on what's going on with my kiddos, much to their chagrin. I'm working with a therapist to stop doing that, and start finding myself instead. I've taken care of my kids and their issues for so long that it's proving difficult for me to find myself after all of that time.
So I got the expected question from the therapist, what do I love. What do I love? I love my family - but that needs to be less of a focus now, so I am told. I love animals. We have 2 elderly dogs that are currently a huge hassle and keep me stuck at home caring for them, so I can't travel (travel is another love of mine). I won't be having any more animals for awhile so that love is not an option. I also like mosaics. I can't seem to find a local class on this art, so I may just go pick up a kit and start working on it myself. The problem is that my job can be sort of isolated (lots of time on the computer), so working on a craft by myself is not ideal. I would like to have some company; someone who won't only talk and tell me all of their troubles, but someone who will allow give and take in a conversation. I need connection and to be heard without much judgment. Much that comes out of my mouth right now is driven by emotion and not exactly the most logical of thinking. I know it's messed up - but I need to release it and call it by its proper name, so I can then work on moving it out of my life.
So I am looking at going to work today and then trying to figure out how I will fill my time in the evening so that I don't annoy my kids or exasperate my poor husband with my moods. I think I'll dust off the Zumba DVDs that I bought and give that a try. Then I might Ebay a few things to start clearing out the office in preparation for removal of the popcorn ceiling. This house is a disaster and I would love to work on redecorating it, but it's impossible with the crap carpet and undone ceilings, and the whole house is in bad need of painting. (This is sounding more like work than things I love, which is why I think I avoid it). I'll try to come up with a list of things that are good for me and that I can enjoy on some level too. It's just not as easy as it sounds.
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